They say, 'a picture speaks a thousand words'. Well, I got to wondering what PokerStars button pictures says about those that choose them, and I contemplated what a picture might tell me about a player's game style.

Warts and all?

Some players choose to display a real photo of themselves. My thinking is if a player displays a real live image of themselves, possibly even on a bad hair day, with pimples, dodgy glasses, and a cheesy grin, then they're obviously honest folk and not likely to be hiding anything. So, we can assume players with self portait photos rarely bluff, a straight-up picture reflecting straight-up play. I'd suggest you respect their raises. If not their dress sense in many cases.

On the other hand if you see a photo of a player looking pretty cool, or perhaps even a photo of an attractive female, blonde, made up, and pouting..? They're probably called Bill and work in the Construction Industry. When they raise, don't believe it's a hand, any more than you'd believe the chest in their picture is completely natural. They have 7-2 off suit, they'll only call your re-raise if they're distracted by that pay-per-view channel they have on in the background.

Little kittens, cutesy puppies, ugly babies

Many players show pictures of cute things, and of course not all baby pictures are ugly ones. But isn't it true that all babies look the same, with just some minor variation in the amount of spittle and hair? I'm expecting a new baby in a fortnight so I can get away with saying this. Please understand that when I show you my baby picture, my baby will be the most gorgeous creature on the planet.

I often imagine that players with cute pet pictures are kindly old ladies. The truth is there are more of these kinds of picture than any other type. Poker demographics mean they can't all be elderly and female. There must be quite a few Bill's who work in the Construction Industry with a secret soft, fluffy, side.

A tip for playing against players with these kind of button images, ask them a question about their puppy/kitten/budgie/fluffy liddle bwunny wabbit. They're almost certainly a pet obsessive and they'll happily chat to you about their darling pet, and while they do so fold second pair and let you win the hand. Another tip, right click on pretty fluffiwuffy's liddle face-ee-kins, and select 'Block Chat.' That story about fluffi's trip to the vet for his booster jab will soon get tiresome.

Windows Images

Windows has a few default pictures stored in a 'Sample Pictures' folder. There are pretty scenes of a sunset, a desert landscape, some autumn leaves. Anyone who loads up one of these pictures to use at PokerStars is surely new to the world of computing. They probably look at the computer handbook every time they want to switch off. If you're playing against people with these pictures don't expect them to be sophisticated online poker enthusiasts. If you've found them in an Omaha game you're happy, they'll use all four hole cards for sure. The poor newbies won't even be able to work out how to use the chat feature to ask why their 'straight' didn't win.

Scary stuff

Skulls, guns, war, fire, flame, death, disaster. Yes, I'm talking 'man stuff'. Lots of players select macho images, but don't be fooled into thinking any picture of a dagger and hand grenade makes a player a strong and aggressive force at the poker table. I read something once in a poker book about 'strong meaning weak' or was it 'weak meaning strong?' Mr.Macho-Man wants you to think he's a hard guy at the poker tables, but chances are he only selected this tank picture because he has low self esteem, he needed to give his confidence a boost by presenting this tank-hard exterior to the world. He's actually softer and more cuddly than fluffiwuffy. Yes, Bill the Construction Worker's cat.

Poker stuff

Chips, TV poker celebs, cards. Players who display images of anything poker related think a lot about the game. They're serious enough about it to visit poker websites and borrow the images they find there. Beware of these players. The best way to play against players like this is to say, 'Sklansky's EV calculations are fundamentally flawed except in relation to Stud Hi/Lo starting hands.' It doesn't matter if you don't know who/what Sklansky/EV/Stud Hi/Lo is, any poker nerd with a Stu Ungar picture will be busily writing a Two Plus Two essay of a reply in chat, and barely have time to concentrate on the correct play of his AK os in late position. (I think Sklansky would say 'raise'.)

My Team/My Hero

Some player's proudly display pictures of their team or their favourite movie star. These players are sensitive types, bordering on the gullible. Hero worship is a need to look up to someone 'better than us' or 'higher' than we are in our esteem and opinion. So use the same line (above) about Sklansky, EV and Stud Hi/Lo, these players will assume you're smart. This will save you chips, they'll think you're clever than them. They won't dare raise your big blind now.

Eyes

Lots of players select a picture of an eye. Just one eye, never two. This makes them seem mysterious and strange. Like they're looking at you, like they can see right through you, in some creepy, poker spooky, supernatural, super-scary way. This freaks me out..! Why do they look at me that way with one big eye?

And when these players use their second image change on PokerStars, do they change to a picture of the other eye?

I don't know how these mysterious one-eyed players play. I only know how I play when they're at the table. When they're watching me... I know that soon the tilt demons are coming..! Eek!

Fast Cars and big tall rockets

Some players have pictures of cars, or boats, or even big tall space rockets. I believe it's a sign of their prowess, it's obviously some status symbol thing. They want you to think they're rich and successful, with plenty filling their pants. I mean poker winnings filling their pants pockets. And have they? What do you think? That sports car looks just an inch high on my screen.

Me and My girlfriend

Some players display pictures of themselves with a loved one, usually a boyfriend/girlfriend. Players with pictures like these are proud, possesive types. When in a hand they're unlikely to let go, even when it's clear they're beat.
Do not bluff these players, they will not quit, they will not FOLD. They'll play that hand until the river - till death do us part. Unless you distract them by typing in chat, 'I once had your girlfriend in a poker club in Huntsville, Alabama.' Then the moderator's come, then you lose your chat. Don't try this at home.

Well that's my view of all things picture related at Pokerstars.net. If I used your PokerStars picture to illustrate this blog post write to me, Jo@PSblog.net and I'll send you a special prize.

And here's the picture I used when I started playing at PokerStars many years ago. I'm not sure what it says about me. Hmm, I wonder... As I look thoughtfully at my screen, resting one finger on my chin.

If you want to tell me what your picture says about you I'd be happy to hear from you too, please do write to tell me about your special PokerStars picture.