"Where are you from?" Texan guy asked.
I didn't answer. I wanted to feel anonymous. This was a stranger, that was the point. I didn't wanted to know him. That thought was thrilling and at the same time frightening. I was trying to remember what I was supposed to do. A friend had told me not to rush this, but, one night after a couple of beers, I decided that was bad advice. I claimed, ' I'm ready.'
Would I regret it? I didn't feel ready, but I wasn't quitting. I can be stubborn sometimes.
A strange concentration seemed necessary at all times, even though most of the time I needed to do nothing at all. Doing nothing was comforting. I could just watch and wait, somebody else would to something... I didn't want to think and act. I knew this couldn't last...
Then it happened.
I was dealt Ace-King.
This was my first playable hand, in my first ever online poker game.
Ace-King. No more chaste folding... This was a need-to-do-something hand. A hand that could be the tournament climax for this on-line poker virgin.
There was a raise. This I called meekly. I called when my shaking fingers could persuade my mouse pointer to reach the right button. Then, quickly -the tension blessedly brief- the flop was dealt.
An eight. A ten. Another card... I don't remember it... It didn't matter. It was neither a friendly Ace, nor helpful King. My opponent checked.
Decision to me.
My first experience of online poker felt very serious. It was just some freeroll, but I was very aware that there were real people across that computer screen. It was very different from the poker I'd played before, with friends, a cosy game around our kitchen table. Now I played with strangers whose faces I couldn't see. My friends would always smile if I ever played a dumb hand. In my head these stern unseen strangers wore all scowls, were all poker experts, from exotic far-flung places, and they would punish any mistake with a cruel put down. If I lost a purse-full of cash to a friend at my kitchen home game I knew it would hurt less than the disapproval of these poker playing strangers.
I wasn't sure this was the right place for a London girl, sitting with a scrap of paper on her knee, some scrawled hand rankings provided by her boyfriend. Hand rankings sometimes weren't enough. I would often name each card out loud if I thought there was a straight, counting to see if there were five cards in a row. And often naming just four.
I don't do that these days, you'll be pleased to hear... If you could fast forward my poker history you'd see lots of Ace-King's dealt, and many freerolls played, a fair few real money tournaments, and a handful of proud wins. If I were to watch my poker life on fast forward, or even in slow motion replay, I wouldn't see how or when my poker nerves were lost, but somehow that happened. Online poker became comfortable, became fun. People across the table stopped feeling like strangers. They feel more like allies these days, sharing the bond of seeing Ace-Kings dealt, freerolls played, and proud wins... The enemy feels shared too - the scary cruelty of the cards.
So fast forward to today, and a London poker girl sits at her computer, nervous again, a scrap of paper on her knee, her own handwriting this time. She thinks poker, she thinks doesn't know what to expect, and on her knee those scribbled notes for her blog post don't seem so reassuring. That's me, today, writing the new PokerStars blog.
Only I'm not so very scared, because I know now that online poker players aren't scowling strangers, ever ready to criticise. I know they might help. Just like they did in that first online game, that time I was dealt Ace-King...
I'm sure there are long scholarly articles written on the play of Ace-King when it misses the flop. There might even be enough to fill a book. And Ace-King misses the flop 67% of the time, so there's plenty of sales potential for, 'Post-flop Overcard Play for Dummys...'
But I hadn't read any poker books, or clever strategy articles, then. I had Ace-King, I'd missed the flop, my opponent checked...
Decision on me. It felt like one big decision, it felt all on me...
A button on my screen looked inviting. It felt appropriately big, it felt 'all', it felt suitably decisive. It said, 'All-in'.
My mouse pointer moved smoothly this time, one quick sharp click and it was done.
Don't you love the all-in feeling? The pressure suddenly lifted, you feel free, there's nothing more you can do. You can laugh, cry, scream, it doesn't matter. You 're all-in, and it might be all over, or it might be all good, but it's no longer you who has to play a part. Someone else's turn...
My opponent's chips slid across the screen and into the centre of the table. He made the call.
Cards revealed.
For me - Ace-King. (You know that...) For him - Ace-Queen!
I looked at the poker hand rankings on that scrap of paper on my knee. It didn't seem to explain this. I was winning. I had Ace-King. I was winning with my over cards on the 8-J-x flop.
The remaining cards were dealt so quickly... Then the chips slid across the table. They headed towards that Ace-Queen...
I tried to make sense of the cards I saw on my screen. Talking cards out loud was a habit, it made me say, "Eight, nine, ten, jack, queen." That seemed to be five cards in a line. I checked again, "Eight, nine, ten, jack, queen." Then I looked at the hand rankings. That was a straight.
Texan guy typed chat, "Gg. Unlucky. Y'know there's another freeroll in 5, go grab yourself a seat."
I did go grab myself that freeroll seat, and that would be my second online poker game. I don't remember that so well. I do remember my hands didn't shake so much. I do remember I had less fear of my opponents were scary poker experts, well some of them played A-Q quite badly.... And I also knew some of them gave friendly advice in the chat box. I rate that good advice still. There's always another game...
But that game was special. That was my first time. Do you remember your first time?
This is my first post on this new PokerStars blog. I hope you'll help me shape it into something you want to read. If you have any advice, stories, news, questions, comments, suggestions, or recipes for pasta sauce, please get in touch. The pasta sauce recipes will be for personal use, the the rest I'll share with you on here.
I'll be especially glad to hear your experiences as a new player. Do you have any funny stories about your first experiences of online poker? I'm sure someone called with pocket sixes on a board of 9-9-8-8-T? Or was that just me..? I'll pop PokerStars goodies in the post to the writers of all the best emails. Send these to Jo@psblog.net. I look forward to hearing from you.
Hmm, looks like I got to the end of this without a bad beat. I hope you liked this post, if not, there's always another... I'll be writing again for you soon.
